i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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