but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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