I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
