dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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