i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
