8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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