i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
