I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you never un-have a 4some
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
