apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
