Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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