billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
