dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
