I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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