It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I cannot find my penis.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
