she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
