Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
