There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.