More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
