Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves