She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!