I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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