when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
