I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
