do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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