HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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