i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
