how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
