dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
