hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
