so explain again why im purple
no
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
