I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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