i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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