Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
