Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
