Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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