I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize