Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
