She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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