It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
