Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
