May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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