I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize