so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
