You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
