u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
