Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
