so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What a dumb baby whore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
