Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
