I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
