May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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