): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Who died my cat blue again?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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