Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
