she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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