And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
