watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
