He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
