dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
