Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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