I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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