some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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