My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
