My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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