Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
