Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
FUCK WHALES
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
