my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
