I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
