Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
