i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
