is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
