the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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