Fine. I'll sleep in my office
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
