My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
