I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
